Kingdom of Failure

The guy who works on my car is named Jurgen. He’s of some sort of Eastern European descent. I don’t know where exactly. He doesn’t do small talk but he’s the best mechanic in town. Which, when you live in Detroit, is a bold statement. I love dealing with him because there’s nothing he can’t fix and I know he’s not going to rip me off. In fact, he’s always trying to save me money. He’s an old guy. I don’t know how old. With Eastern Europeans it can be hard to tell. The cold war was kinder to some than others. So, I’m guessing he could be anywhere from late 50’s to early 90’s. He’s the most honest man I’ve ever met. Also, I love the way he talks. Phone rings. “Jif. Iz Yurgeen.” “Hey, Jurgen. Figure out what’s going on with that noise?” “Yiz. Iz breks. Dey wern te sheet. Moost replace whole fecking ting.”   A few years ago, I had a little medical situation going on in an extremely sensitive and personal place. I put it off for as long as I could hoping it would just go away. It did not. I

Locust Abortion Technician was the third studio release from The Butthole Surfers. The album’s first song, “Sweat Loaf”, begins with an ethereal instrumental intro with a bit of dialogue between a father and son. It goes like this. “Daddy?” “Yes, son.” “What does regret mean?” “Well son, it’s a funny thing about regret. It’s better to regret something you have done than to regret something you haven’t done. And by the way, if you see your mother this weekend, be sure and tell her SATAN! SATAN! SATAN!” The lead singer of The Butthole Surfers, Gibby Haynes, is a weird and wise fellow. There’s a great documentary about outsider artist and musician Daniel Johnston called “The Devil and Daniel Johnston”. I highly recommend it if you haven’t seen it. Daniel Johnston’s music isn’t for everyone. But if you listen closely, it’s as good as anything written by much more well-known and more critically acclaimed artists. Gibby films his interview while getting a cavity filled at the dentist. I don’

As a hard-working copywriter, who’s been living by the pen for quite a while now, I’ve made a lot of ads. Some are good. Some are bad. Some matter. Some don’t. But they all have one thing in common. Somehow, they gotta come to life. They need to be born.   There’s this lousy book that has a great line in it. It’s one of my favorite lines, actually. So no offense to the author on calling it lousy. The book is called “And Then We Came to the End” and it was written by Joshua Ferris.   Here’s the line: “I do not fear the blank page. The blank page fears me.” I fucking love that line. I say it in my head every day. It’s a great fucking line. Especially for someone like myself who has a lot of blank pages in their life. Every project begins with a blank page. And your job is to fill it up with something interesting. It’s a shitty way to make a living. I’d much rather arrive at work every day and be greeted with a stack of papers on my desk. My job would be to go through each piece of paper

Before Covid hit, the main topic of advertising discussion was: What does the ad agency of the future look like? What’s the model going to be? How’s it going to work?   I don’t think we need to ask that question anymore. I believe we’ve been living the ad agency of the future for the last 16 months. This is it. It’s Palmolive. You’re soaking in it. First of all there are no stupid buildings. Those things were expensive. And they were a pain to get to. And you had to stay inside of them all day and all night. It was really a bummer. The furniture was nice. And sometimes they had bagels. But rarely the good ones. Mostly just Einstein’s which are garbage in my opinion. Also, there’s no more Linda.   While you wait outside the SVP’s office for 45 minutes because her 2:00 went long and then she had to hop on the phone with a client, Linda would always be there with a good story to help kill the time. Usually it was about her Shih Tzu, Abraham. Oh, the adventures those two had together! Abra

The first thing about this story that’s pretty crucial is that I didn’t really work for Bob Seger. The purpose of this blog is to tell stories. But in most cases, I don’t name names. I have no desire to make anyone look bad except myself. So I use fake names. Or better yet, celebrity names as fake names. Just because it’s fun. And since I think that Bob Seger is one of the most undervalued singer/songwriters in rock n’ roll, I’m using his name.  Bob Seger is a pretty famous dude. Not as famous as the real Bob Seger. But in the world of advertising his name carries a lot of weight. And rightly so. The man is nothing short of a legend. He’s an amazingly talented creative guy who worked his way all the way up the ladder to the highest possible levels the advertising industry has to offer. His work not only built brands but it became part of pop culture.   Watch ‘em come. Watch ‘em go. Only one thing in common. They got the fire down below. The stories of Bob Seger are legendary. Once, he